Saturday, December 19, 2009

the jew who stole christmas

So Hanukah is done.
That's my dad below, helping himself to a little birch beer at the annual party my step-sister hosts.

That's my step-sister below (in plummy pink) acting like a grown-up and me under the table hanging with the kids.

Ever since I met Bryan I've coined myself the Jew who stole Christmas. Now that we have a house it means we have a tree and I've hijacked that too with my Jewish ornamentations. I live to steep the kids in a hot mulled broth of holiday confusion.

But seriously, doesn't it seem like the future of civilization could benefit from a melding of religious symbols, rituals and beliefs? Isn't the core of all religions the same anyway? Do unto others and so forth? Play nice? Eat food together?

So there's my spine, below. I finally went to get my back X-rayed, to see what all the pain is about, the lower back pain I've been heroically enduring since Stella plopped out three and half years ago. The chiropractic treatments were becoming a pain in the neck, literally and figuratively. That cracking business does not have me convinced. And laying face-down on the adjustment table while my drum-playing Chiro told me yet again that he really wanted to "come over sometime and jam with Bryan" was about as relaxing as the kids nagging me for snacks while I'm in the shower. 


If you look at the X-ray closely enough you can see my IUD. Yes folks. This womb is closed for business. Can you see the osteoarthritis? Neither can I. But I tried. I mean, who doesn't love to diagnose themselves silly on the internet? My doc says I probably have arthritis given that my bone density scan showed I have osteopenia in my left hip and lumbar region, which is a precursor to osteoporosis and more importantly makes me feel old.

It's a good thing Amelia’s Plum turned me onto Erran Baron Cohen, who rocks the house with his badass Hanukah grooves and gets me shimmying all over the house irritating the children. Shimmying doesn't hurt my back so much. 


vrexy said...

I love those dinner pictures! But did they really eat those meals? Fun no matter! Reminds me of Mr. Potato Head.

elise said...

thanks vrexy! good to hear from you again. I think the kids did eat those meals but I'd have to verify with Bryan. Look out Mr. Potato Head. Here comes Mr. chicken nugget-edamame head. That doesn't have such a nice ring though, does it.

Amelia Plum said...

looks like your mensch of a son is gearing up to be a future mensch of a doctor, he looks so serious studying the x-ray. you crack me up, i mean that as a huge compliment, hopefully you know as much. love your post, the pictures and you! those faces with the food are adorable, is bryan gunning to win the mother of the year award?! and i'm glad to hear you like the tunes!

kristi said...

i started to leave a comment the other day and then couldn't think of anything witty to i still can't but just wanted to say hi and that those chicken/edamame plates really impress me.

p.s. i just started your book and i love that we have hung out in person because i can hear your voice reading it. you need to do an audio version...

elise said...

amelia, I love you too. thanks for the major props. hizzah. or something. bryan is definitely up for a mother of the year award. me, not so much. erran is so talented (and cute!) meanwhile I barely know what to do with myself. well. that's not completely true.

and kristi! i will let my better half know you like his dishes. um. and thanks for reading SCM!!!


elise said...
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elise said...
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elise said...
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elise said...

newsflash re: osteopenia. great story on npr this evening. reassuring regarding my feelings of elderliness, but creepy regarding the pharmaceutical companies.