Saturday, December 30, 2006

chasing angie

I finally went and did it. I bought a pair of skinny jeans and now I feel a little thick in the thighs. Go figure. Bryan warned me. "That look flatters no one!" Did I heed his word? Of course not. I have to stick my ass in the fire to learn the burn. But hey hunny, this dose of self-loathing only cost me fifty dollars, reduced from one-sixty-eight!

Thursday, December 21, 2006


Once upon a Christmastime, there was an old toothless man who wore the same smelly threadbare clothes and frayed baseball hat every day. He was the superintendent of my building and lived in the basement apartment, his thick concrete walls painted the color of sunflowers, which was a surprising slice of sunshine in his otherwise gray existence. A lion among mice, that color was. But this story isn't about the colors of his walls, which I happened to spy some years ago. This story is about how I was so mean to him today that I reminded myself of a business tycoon, and felt hope for the first time in weeks.

Monday, December 18, 2006

the killing tree

Just a quick note to let you know that our building's superintendent has yet again assembled and lit our fake (!) Christmas tree in the courtyard, replete with musical lights that sound like a dying alien. WHY must our tree make sounds? Can we not brim with joy and wonder from purely visual beauty? I've been sleeping with a pillow over my head for days. I could and should and probably will complain, going the proper route of leaving a (well-written!) note in the suggestion box, but I will also steal into the night with cotton wadding and duct tape. Now where did I put that black ski mask?

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

robust traits

Hamish finally returned to daycare yesterday and I was afraid he'd fall apart with separation anxiety. Not me though. I was ready! Turns out he couldn't wait to get back, and played with his friend Arianna the whole time. Hamish likes to correct my pronunciation of Arianna's name. He also likes to boss his friends and remind them when to clean up and to follow the rules. Sometimes he gets very frustrated and tries to physically place his friends in line.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

they say you have an eelness

Hamish has an ear infection. I am already slipping in the memory department and cannot remember if he's had one or two or none before. I only have hazy recollections of storing thick milky antibiotics in the fridge at various times in his short history. But yesterday he was more listless than I've ever seen him before, so that could be why I can't say for sure whether he's had this particular sickness. "They say you have an eelness." Quick! What's that from? I can't recall the name of the movie (my memory again!) but it was Julia Roberts to John Malkovich in her first and last period role (thank God), complete with "Scottish" accent and minimal glamazon smiles. Unless you count Erin Boobovich as a period film.