drain drain go away

The week before he started swimming lessons Hamish was finally putting his whole body, head and all, under water. Bryan and I puffed with pride. But when swimming lessons started, his newfound skill was nothing particularly special. Other kids in his class could do the same and more, and more was being asked of my son, which is of course how things go. The class was chaotic and as the session progressed, Hamish got more and more anxious, finally abandoning his beginners' class to be "teacher's helper" in Stella's Aquatot class. This was a coup as Hamish loves being in charge, directing others and feeling special. He learned the backstroke. He learned to push off the wall. He went down the water slide, no problem.
Now that swimming lessons are over, there are days when he flat out refuses to go to the pool. When I ask him why, he answers, "Drain." As in, "Duh, Mommy." Then yesterday he pooped in the yard because he was afraid to use the toilet and this morning he peed outside and brushed his teeth outside. I called the doctor. There is next to no information about childhood drain phobias online except for adult forums that usually dissolve into comments like, "LMAO! Guts getting sucked out your ass down the pool drain! Hilarious!"

But from what I have found Googling childhood phobias, they can occur when the child's self-esteem is threatened which of course finds me translating as, "You did this to him, Elise," which isn't helpful. I could try to prove to you that it's my fault, that my side of the family created this by telling you that both my parents have been medicated for anxiety and depression, and I could tell you that my own self-esteem and anger issues one way or another must get communicated and passed down to my children resulting in me covering my face with my hands and moaning, "They're totally screwed!" over and over. But then I'm sure I could investigate Bryan's family and find all sorts of reasons that it could be from his side too, or maybe that Hamish hit the anxiety DNA lotto between us.

But I'm more centered these days, at least I like to believe this, with all the yoga and therapy and meditation, and in this frame of mind, what calms me is knowing that most of us are loopy in one way or another, that we of neurotic jaw-grinding leanings are not an exception to the rule, we are the rule. What comforts me is knowing that I'm game to learn whatever I can to help him through this, and innovative enough to know that bathrooms aren't the only places to pee, poop and wash. Watch out earth, here comes Hame.